My Unexpected Journey With Postpartum Pounds

I was lied to. I've been deceived. Mostly, I feel gullible. Pregnant me didn't know any better, but postpartum me is wiser. I used to be told, "the pounds will fall right off, especially when you breastfeed." I'm here to say that breastfeeding weight loss is a myth. It's a lie, and I fell for it. They say that breastfeeding is natures way of shedding the baby weight. I'm here to say that wasn't the case for me.

During my pregnancy I gained nearly fifty pounds. I was always a fairly slim girl growing up and in my young adult life. I don't mean to make that sound as if I'm bragging. I say it, because it was difficult to see my body change so drastically. To see the pounds rise on the scale at each doctor's visit. I exercised throughout my entire pregnancy and I ate a healthy balanced diet. I was eating a paleo diet (no gluten, no dairy) throughout the majority of my pregnancy. I was told countless times that as soon as I had the baby the pounds would start falling off, especially if I breastfed. It wasn't true, at least not for me.

I'm seven months postpartum and I'm only down a little over twenty pounds from my pregnancy weight. Let me assure you that isn't because I haven't been working out multiple times a week in a high intensity training class, or walking several miles a day, or eating a healthy diet. I've been doing all of those things. It's important to note that I've been breastfeeding for seven months which is supposed to burn even more calories. So, is my scale broken? Unfortunately, it's not.

It's no secret that in today's society, a particular body image is desired. Most women want the flat stomach and the size zero pants. We say we love our curves until we see them in a photo. I've fallen victim to body shaming myself, because of what society has me believing. I see the women on social media twelve weeks postpartum with abs and I feel horrible about myself. But can you blame me? None of my clothes feel good on me anymore. Even a big t-shirt doesn't look flattering to me anymore. It's hard to look in the mirror and recognize myself. It makes me sad and it makes me self conscious of my extra skin, my wider hips, my noticeable stretch marks. But why?

Why should I have abs after birthing a baby? Why should I look the same when I'm one hundred percent not? Why should I not have marks to remind me that I carried a beautiful and healthy baby girl? Why should I not have extra fat to remind me that my body is storing what it needs to feed and nourish my perfect angel? It's difficult to push away the negative thoughts about your new postpartum body (or your body in general). It's not easy to remind yourself what this new body accomplished and still accomplishes on a daily basis. I might never look the same, and I might not have a flat stomach like the women I see on social media, but I choose to believe that I'm beautiful exactly the way I am. I choose to believe that, because I want my daughter to believe that about herself. I hope I can teach my daughter about self love and true inner beauty. I hope she knows everyday how beautiful she is, and I hope she learns these things by the example I put before her.